Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
