I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
