And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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