thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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