We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
