I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
