Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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