it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
