Christians are straight up FREAKS
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
