This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
