I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
