everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
