Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
