How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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