You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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