i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
