whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
