i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
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