when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
