i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
