i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize