how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
