Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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