im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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