My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
