just tell him i said nine months
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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