I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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