Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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