Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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