wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
