just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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