dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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