Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
