Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
