he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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