I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
