Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love having hate sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just pee around me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
