ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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