I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
