Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
