First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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