I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
