I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What drink are we having for lunch?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
