life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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