I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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