I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
