so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
