The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Rumble strips road head = magical
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
