I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
