i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
