He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
