Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And then he peed in my hair
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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