Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
