i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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