Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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