I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
