Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Tell him ill love him long time

(1-773): View more from Illinois

I'll assure him of it

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(818): View more from California

dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

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(714): View more from California

I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.

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(727): View more from Florida

I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?

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(206): View more from Washington

The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.

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