after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
