I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
