Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
