:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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