Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can I color on your dick again?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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