Kiss
Puke
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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