ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
