Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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