Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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