There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
