i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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