Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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