Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
