Need sex. Gaining weight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
