I puked a lego.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Acid is not a monday night drug
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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