dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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