It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
