Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
