you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
