Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize