Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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