I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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