Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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